Nobody Chooses Apples With Bruises

Matthew 5:1-12

Ken Whitt         July 29, 2007

Nobody chooses apples with bruises.

On the other hand, sometimes you make a mistake. In the grocery store you can buy apples in one of two ways. You can buy apples, like this red delicious, one at a time. You can pick over the apples one at a time to get the best one available. But, though this one was perfect a couple of days ago, in now has a large bruise I would have to cut out before eating it. The other way to buy apples is in a bag. If you buy a bag of apples you’re taking a little more risk because you don’t get to see the surface of every one of the apples. Worse yet, most of the Granny Smith apples in this bag are beginning to turn brown. This entire bag of apples could be ruined. I didn’t want a ruined bag of apples, but it seems that is what I may get.

Still, I did not choose apples with bruises.

Does that make sense to you? I mean as a metaphor. Does it make sense? Is it really true? Is it an affirmation, for example, that is spiritually true? Would Jesus say, “Nobody chooses apples with bruises”. As a metaphor, you know, for our lives, for each other, for our relationships, nobody chooses apples with bruises. Really? Listen to what Jesus has to say on this subject. I will be reading from the 5th chapter of Matthew instructions of Jesus that we call, “The Beatitudes.”

The Beatitudes

When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain; and after he sat down, his disciples came to him. Then he began to speak, and taught them, saying:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
“Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Nobody chooses apples with bruises. On the other hand, blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who recognize their spiritual poverty, who know their needs, who are aware of their bruises, who tell the truth about their wounds—God chooses them! Blessed who those who tell their stories to each other because in such sharing we find our way into community and into the kingdom of heaven. It’s conventional wisdom to say nobody chooses apples with bruises, but it’s not spiritually true. If we only chose people with no bruises we would have no friends. Because everyone has been bruised.

To illustrate this point, I could ask all the people with no bruises to sit on the right side of the church or all the people with bruises to sit on the left side. Or I could ask all the people with no bruises to stand—and I would be the only one standing. My point is this—I want it to be crystal clear to everyone. We are all bruised and we all need to be loved bruises and all.

Maybe Kathy Russell will help me to illuminate this point further. Thanks for coming down this aisle, Kathy. People walk this aisle for a lot of reasons, and most often it is a difficult deed. After going to El Salvador, Kathy has the courage to do just about anything. Right after Kathy and I went on a first date, a year ago or so, I sat down with her and I told her that I had to tell her some things about myself, about my bruises. Because I didn’t want to get into a relationship with someone who later on would say, “Well, you have too many bruises, and I don’t want to be with you because there’s too much hurt”. And every time I said something she just kind of talked about it and didn’t seem to be scared away. I told her about being rejected, about bouts with depression. Then, as you probably know, Kathy had her share of bruises, which I was easily aware of at the time, but every once in a while they would be lived out and I would notice and I would say, Oh, that’s interesting, Kathy. It looks like you’re experiencing your bruises now. And she would say, yeah I think I am. And I would keep on loving her, and after a few minutes the hurt would simply disappear. It would help that I was open to choosing the apple of my eye, despite the bruises. And, we went on like that for awhile and I realized that I was being well chosen and doing good choosing, and so I asked Kathy to marry me last Monday, and she said yes. Actually, it’s really interesting. I haven’t done this very often…but I’ve asked Kathy five times now. I just like hearing her say yes.

So, people are chosen and loved in spite of, even because of, their bruises because that is the only way to form a family or a community of faith or a church. One of our primary goals of our adult education program this fall will be Bible Studies and sharing opportunities that create opportunities for sharing and discovering that we are loved, bruises and all, loved by God and loved by each other. This is how you build community. This is how a community thrives.

Thank you, Kathy. You may return to your seat….I just lost an opportunity to kiss her.

A lot of you experienced or know the story about the depth of faith and love we shared with Shirley Boydston in the last few weeks of her life. Shirley was in her mid-eighties and we learned in those last days at her side that she had lived most of her life not knowing how much people, including people at church, loved her. She had, she thought, certain flaws and believed others saw her as unattractive—but it was these very same traits, especially her smile, that people loved about Shirley. Many of you took the time to tell Shirley that you loved her and why you loved her and that simple act of sharing changed her life.

You and I do not need to wait until someone is 80 to express our love in that way. If we become vulnerable and share our bruises an opportunity is created for love also to be shared. If you need to hide your bruises, that’s fine. For a time, you may need to protect yourself. But someday I hope you will be able to tell your story and allow your friends, especially your Christian brothers and sisters, to care for you. Please, do not go to your grave not knowing how much you are loved.

You know the experience of being a person with bruises who has no hope of ever being healed—who believes that nobody chooses an apple with bruises--is a terrible, terrible experience, and unfortunately it happens. I once heard a wonderful poem called “Damaged Goods”, and it ended with a proclamation, “There’s no such thing as damaged goods.” If any of you know where this poem is, I’d love to see it again. I typed “damaged goods” into the computer and the computer brought up pages and pages of information on damaged goods and most of them were poems by people who had experienced themselves as being damaged and were writing poetry about their experience of the bruises in their lives and they were almost all hopeless. They were almost all feeling and writing from the point of view of hopelessness.

Amy Louise Perswell wrote, in 1987, a poem called “Damage Goods.”

I have a label, the label will stick with me for life and remain deep within. The label is “damaged goods”. I’m so messed up after what you did I hate to be alone near any man. I look over my shoulder. I cut my arms to ribbons. I am now known as damaged goods. On the day you raped me you broke me, you left me frightened and scarred but worst of all, you left me damaged, like damaged goods. Only I can’t be mended.

Only I can’t be mended.

I think she’s wrong. But I know that’s what she experienced, and I’d long to be able to track her poetry over the years to find a time, a place, where she could write about the ways that she experienced healing; the people who loved her despite her bruises, and the day when she found again that she was loved beyond measure, by God, by you and me.

My Aunt Arlene is one of the most bruised people I have known. She trashed 3 marriages and 5 children. She did not raise any of her children beyond a very young age because her alcoholism and her abuse and the permission she gave significant people in her life to abuse her children caused her to loose them all. And she has not seen some of those children in 40 years, and others have changed their role to her and she is more like an aunt or a distant member of the family, and they try to relate in some way, but it doesn’t work very well.

Aunt Arlene got everything she deserved. She bruised many people. And yet, she was bruised beyond any of our ability to understand. She was raped in her teen years. She was molested by a couple of men from within the family.

I loved Aunt Arlene. This is really strange. I loved Aunt Arlene. We were very close. I had a warm relationship with her. I liked her a lot, because I had a completely different relationship with her than everybody else. When I was a young boy, 4, 5, 6, 7 years old, my dad was very, very sick and he repeatedly went to the hospital threatening to die and my Mom was scared on to dysfunction, and was hardly able to care for us three boys. So Aunt Arlene came to stay with us, and when Mom went crazy Aunt Arlene would literally kick her out of the house and tell her not to come back until she could be a decent Mom again. And hours would pass and Mom would be gone—thank God. And Arlene would play games and read stories and cuddle with us and feed us. And that’s how I experienced Aunt Arlene. I loved her.

I don’t how these miracles happen. I don’t know. I can hardly imagine God engineering these things, but God does engineer them. For over a year we’ve been planning a family reunion next weekend. And my cousin, Shari, Arlene’s youngest child, who is one child that has tried really hard to have a new kind of relationship (Shari began trying when Arlene stopped drinking about 20 years ago.) was planning the reunion, and she was working hard to get all the other family members, including her birth brothers and sister to come to the reunion. Kenny was going to come, her older brother, named after me because I was Arlene’s favorite nephew—she told me that many times. Wendy was going to come, Shari’s older sister. But then there were Jerry and Billy, and Jerry and Billy had been detached from the family for over 40 years, severe abuse, deep pains, all kinds of bruises, but Shari had been working on them to come back and re-join the family, and Jerry had decided he would probably come because Shari promised to work things out so that Arlene would be gone when Jerry and his family arrived.

But then we were working on Billy and I’d been writing Billy and his family e-mails and making connections and reminding them about the past when we were children together and loved each other. And, Billy was a hard sell because his bruises went deep, but it was starting to happen and Shari’s last word to me was it looks like Billy will be coming to the reunion. I felt such gratitude to hear that.

Then this past Tuesday Aunt Arlene had a stroke and drove her car into a ditch and broke her neck, ribs and hip, so that now she was broken heart wise and body wise and spirit wise. Arlene had told Shari at repeated times that she only had only one deep fear remaining in her life. That one deep fear in her life was that she would die alone. I don’t know if you’ve ever know anybody that’s had that fear but my Aunt Arlene felt that deeply. And the thing is, she knew that is what she deserved. She deserved to die alone.

She deserved everyone cursing her on the day of her death. That’s what she merited for the pain she had caused others. However, that’s not the way God works. Jesus says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. And getting what we deserve is not what any of us need in order to be whole. We all need mercy.

And when Shari called Jerry, he got in his car and immediately started driving to Niagara Falls to the hospital. And Billy thought about it for a couple of minutes and then he called back and he told Sherry he was getting on a plane, and that he would be at the hospital as soon as he could arrive.

And Aunt Arlene held on. She could respond with certain body signals. She was conscious, and she held on until every one of her five children, all of her birth children, were in that room, hospital room, with her, and every one of them was able to say to her, “Mom”, and they hadn’t called her Mom in 40 years, “Mom, I love you”. Every one of those children. That is utterly impossible because nobody chooses apples with bruises. That is absolutely impossible. That cannot happen. And yet if Jesus is right, “Blessed are those who are spiritually poor for theirs in the kingdom of heaven,” then Aunt Arlene gets to see heaven accompanied by the forgiveness and love of her five children.

So it is that God heals the wounds of our lives and we go on. And we start over, and we find out that we indeed can be loved in the midst of our bruises, and that blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted and blessed are those who are spiritually poor, for they will see the kingdom of heaven.

May it be so in all of our lives.

Amen.